To read this blog in order start at July right at the top of the blog archive and progress down in order. This is an account of my battle with anorexia and bulimia

Tuesday 19 July 2011

year 6 -1988

Grade 6, 1988.
to read grade 5 click here
Before school started back I spent the occasional weekend at a farm that Charles and Lana owned. They were a young adult couple who we’d known for a couple of years. It was fun to be with them I really looked up to Lana and liked to talk with her about many things. The more time I spent with them the more I liked them. I believe that every child at some stage in their life wished they had different parents. I wished they were mine because they were young, cool and fun and they lived in a nice house. Funnily enough my wish was granted a few years later.
Chloe’s and my friendship began to fizzle out this year and my new best friend was a girl named Kate. She got me involved in an activity she attended at church on Tuesday afternoons called Pete’s Corner. It was for children my age to get together, play games, do craft, and learn about God. The people here were really nice and caring, and I enjoyed going.
I was reasonably energetic at this age. As a past time I usually chased the dog in the back yard, did handstands and back flips, and just ran around to waste energy. One time I sat at the top of the slippery dip looking at my legs. I remember thinking they were too big and it was my hope to make them smaller. This was when I know I started being paranoid about the size of my legs.
This was the Bicentennial year. Our school was involved in a celebration that was at the park. It involved doing a dance and singing. We only wore tights and a t-shirt and had to walk around like this and all I can remember was that I had the biggest legs. Actually I was one of the biggest in class, in height that is. There was nothing I could do though to conceal my legs so I just tried hard not to look at them. One boy from my class actually said “hey Steff, you have a big bum”. I remember it clearly to this day. That is not the only comment I remember in regard to weight. One was from Mim’s Godmother, after Mim had lost weight from her illness with pneumonia earlier. We were at her place for dinner one night and I was lying on the floor watching television. She walked up to me and asked something along the lines of “ oh, what’s happened to you? Your sister has lost weight and you seem to be putting a bit on.” I tried not to let it bother me, but it actually really hurt that I was being compared to my sister like that. The other was from our gardener. Mum, Mim and I sat down for our meal as he walked through the house to inform Mum he was finished. He watched us eat then said to me “Don’t eat too much or you will get fatter.” To me this implied that I was already fat.
I look back on photos of around that time and realise that I wasn’t fat. I was healthy. Had I have remained eating sensibly as I was I could have the most perfect body now.

linking with things i can't say for pour your heart out
                               with some grace for flog ya blog friday
                               twinkle in the eye flash your blog friday
                              you know it happens at your house too TGIF
                               learning to play and playing to learn flashback friday


  1. Its so brave of you to share your story, I'll have to go to the beginning to read it all. Thank you for writing it all down for others to learn from.

  2. Funny how so many of us look back at pics where we thought we were fat only to realize we really weren't.

  3. I know this feeling well, when I was in primary school, about year 5, I was never allowed to forget how big I was, still is the case sometimes. Now I try my best to turn off my ears and realise that the person saying it is the one with the issues.

  4. I've battled with eating disorders. I still often think I'm too big. It's at hard clue to break and it's sad that it starts so young. For me it did too.

  5. You are very brave to be sharing your story, and I'm glad that you are. Good health and happiness to you.

  6. When I was 14 I suffered an eating disorder and was briefly hospitalized for it. This was almost 25 years ago but I clearly remember the feelings you describe. But you are so much more than your body and its what you do that really counts in this life. Follow your passions and try to find confidence in other ways. Dont live for the moment but in the moment and notice the beauty and the opportunities around you. I wish you all the luck in the world with your journey.

  7. I'm sorry to hear what you went through but you are very brave to share your story with us. People can be so insensitive and they don't realise the serious ramifications of the words they say. I hope this blog is helping you heal from all that hurt and pain.