Everything is great…I have a great life. I am fortunate to have a job, to have a new car. I have freedom allowing me to go on great holidays, to go out late at night. I live with a caring wonderful family. And most of all I have my family (Mim, James, Courtney, and Jesse) who if I didn’t have, I wouldn’t bother about life anymore.
I don’t understand how I can be so lucky to have such a life yet still feel crap about it. I am living, yet still haunted by this eating disorder. It’s not even so much the eating now though, it’s this inner drive to be loved and accepted.
Last week I arrived home from my Christmas holiday with Mim, and was greeted with an empty house as the family had gone to Queensland. I hated it. Most people enjoy being alone, but it freaks me out. Not that I am scared of being alone, it’s more the loneliness side of things. I know I am not being abandoned, yet I can’t help but fear that I have been left on my own.