To read this blog in order start at July right at the top of the blog archive and progress down in order. This is an account of my battle with anorexia and bulimia

Wednesday 3 August 2011


“for it is by grace you have been saved,
Through faith …it is the gift of God.”
Eph 2:8
My life took a different direction over the week mum was in hospital. A friend of mine, Pamela from school, had been hassling me out previously about Christianity. I told her it was a crock and that was something she could believe in but it wasn’t for me. She wrote me letters about how she felt I needed to be saved and God can change my life and me. At the time I was too busy mellowing in my own problems to give this a second thought. I assumed she was just being a good little Christian. Obviously it was bad timing but God led her the right way with better tactics. Pamela took a second go by inviting me casually to a coffee and dessert night hosted by her fathers bible study group. What she omitted telling me was that there was a Christian guest speaker there. Instead of fobbing off everything he was saying I decided to listen. He proceeded with stating how many people put their belief in something visual and material such as a crystal. (At this point I tucked my crystal discreetly down my t-shirt). What people fail to do is put their trust in God because they cannot physically see or touch Him. I related easily to what he said, which motivated me to listen more intently to the rest of it. He gave real life illustrations of people who did put their trust in God and had faith in Him and it was very inspiring. I desired only to hear more after that. On the way home I thought long and hard about the night and when Pamela invited me to her church on the Sunday I didn’t hesitate to say yes. Strangely enough on that Sunday there was a prayer for people who wanted Jesus in their life and I said the prayer. I was unsure of how big an impact it would have on my life at that stage and was actually a bit scared. Pamela was so excited for me and told absolutely everybody she could think of. Her and I both went to visit mum that day and she was bursting for me to tell mum. I couldn’t though only because I wanted to talk more about it with Pam and also because I was unsure of how mum would react. I continued going to her church and actually knew a few people there already. I was in an acceptable environment and I felt okay. I still didn’t know how to tell mum though.
Mum came out of hospital a few days after this and I continued to go to church. But, I didn’t exactly tell her I was going to church, I just mentioned that I was going to
Pamela’s. I got home one day all excited because of the people I had met at church and the friendships I started to form. I really wanted to share this with mum so I told her that I was going to church now and I was a Christian. All she did was laugh and say, “you’ve got to be joking”. I couldn’t understand why she was so upset about it so I just left it at that. She later said she was happy for me to believe what I wanted to but I was not to talk about it with her.
Christmas time suddenly approached. Christmas day was one of the nicest Christmas days we had had for a long time. They were normally spent at home doing absolutely nothing. We opened our presents on Christmas Eve as a German tradition and I really treasured that. It was a special family thing that we had done for many years. The day after though never consisted of much though. I always longed to do something family orientated even if it was as simple as a picnic. This year we did and I will never forget it. James drove us all out to Lake Keepit for a picnic lunch. Relations were going alright and we were all putting in an effort. To have this day, Christmas Day, doing something special was too important to worry about anything else. Even eating was okay. Deanne once proposed a question to me, and it was “how would I prefer to remember a Christmas meal; would I prefer to eat and enjoy it or eat then throw it up and worry all day about it and what other people are thinking of me“. The first option took my fancy and I wanted to do it for mum. I realised she was putting in an effort to come out for lunch so I could put in the effort to eat and be merry, even if only for that day. It was a very beautiful day and I will always remember it.

No comments:

Post a Comment