To read this blog in order start at July right at the top of the blog archive and progress down in order. This is an account of my battle with anorexia and bulimia

Wednesday 3 August 2011

unemployed, angry and uselss

Being at home with no employed work still frustrated me. I was serious about finding work too but I just never got any. I had had a few interviews but obviously no successful ones. I applied mainly for waitressing jobs. I still had an interest in food and cooking, so I considered enrolling in a course to become a short order cook. Thankfully nothing came out of it. Since giving up Harley I felt a bit useless to the WIRES team, so I decided to join the fundraising committee. Not the greatest sort of meetings to get involved in though considering how quiet I was then. I had fantastic ideas on how we could raise money, but I never put any of them forward because I wondered why on earth would anyone listen to an idea of mine. So I sat at the meetings quiet as a mouse only speaking if spoken to. I didn’t last long on the committee because once again I felt ineffective.
One area I didn’t feel ineffective in was music. Our little music group was going strong. Even if we weren’t rehearsing for anything we still had get togethers at Vicki’s house. Sometimes I noticed the tension between Vicki and Fiona. I heard both sides of the argument and often realised that Vicki was just being the mother and was looking out for her daughter. Being a teenager Fiona resented any advice given to her by her mother. I usually came home to tell mum about this trying to squeeze in there how I understood what Fiona was feeling but also that Fiona needed to respect Vicki more. I said it all in the knowledge that that was how I was at the same age. I thought it’d be great to have a mum like Vicki at times. She was always on the go doing something exciting. She had the wackiest sense of humour but it was fun.
When I wasn’t spending time up there Mim and I were both visiting Julie. She now only lived a few streets away with Daniel, and their little baby Mary. We spent endless night there eating dinner and playing games. I felt at this time Julie’s relationship and mine had changed slightly. She appeared to treat me in a more adult way which was great. Some nights Mim and I took turns babysitting Mary while the other of us went out to the clubs with Julie. I was never much into going clubbing so I much preferred to babysit. One day Mim, mum and I were sitting outside talking when Julie arrived obviously upset about something. Her and Daniel had a disagreement about something and she had to get away. Mum being her usual self decided this girl really does need to get away, and within two days mum, Mim, Julie, Mary, and I were going on a holiday to Coffs Harbour. This was a holiday that changed many things for me.

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