To read this blog in order start at July right at the top of the blog archive and progress down in order. This is an account of my battle with anorexia and bulimia

Sunday 28 August 2011

how prayers can work when you least expect them too

The next fortnight was filled with many unexpected turns. The day after I spoke to the minister’s my desire to get to hospital almost came true, but for other reasons. I have to admit I am grateful that it didn’t end up happening then.
I was walking home from the shops and this awful sick feeling slowly crept over me. It was as though I had eaten the wrong food or something but I knew it wasn’t that because I hadn’t eaten anyway. As soon as I got home I just laid on my bed because I just could not move. The pain was unbearable. I fell asleep until the evening and woke up feeling even worse. I tried going back to sleep but spent at least three quarters of the night vomiting absolutely nothing. I was in such tremendous pain and was becoming very weak. Lana tried to keep my fluids up so I wouldn’t dehydrate, but I couldn’t even keep any of that down. By that afternoon Lana was so worried about me. I was at the point where I couldn’t even walk to get to the bathroom. She packed some of my clothes and we were off to the hospital. Every now and then in the waiting room a wave of blackness came over me, but nothing happened. Finally I was taken to a room and assessed. It turned out to be that famous gastro bug but a very severe case of it. The nurse tried to give me a needle but because I was so tense she couldn’t find a vein. She tried about three times to stick a needle in me but failed each time. So, she gave me tablets instead. I was monitored for about the next 2 hours then could finally go home. I had completely run out of energy now and just couldn’t wait to get into my bed.
The next day I felt a little better so I went to have a shower. That left me in bed again for the rest of the day because it was such a tiring event. That night I got a phone call from a child care centre in Springwood to tell me I had an interview on Monday for the job I applied for. I couldn’t believe it. I decided not to get my hopes up though, but just prayed about it instead.
Donna came over the next night because I was meant to baby sit the boys but I really wasn’t feeling up to it. I felt so down and wondered if I would ever get better. I was still so exhausted and to even eat a tiny bit was a struggle. Keeping it down was even harder. The one time I want to keep food in me and I actually can’t. I was so scared that I wouldn’t get better. The prospect of a job though really made me more determined and I pushed myself to do things. I was utterly worn out by the end of the day but I knew I had to keep going.
I told a few people at church about my interview so they could pray about it to. I felt well prepared for the interview on the Monday night, and wasn’t even anxious or nervous. The thing I was most worried about was if I had the correct time and place for it because I was so sick when he had told me where to go. It seemed extremely unusual to have an interview for a preschool job at a solicitors office at 6:30pm. But it was right. I have to admit it was rather intimidating to have a panel of about five people interview me. Some of them spoke at the same time which was nerve wrecking because I didn’t know who to answer first. I was actually honest in the way I answered questions, not giving the make believe answers I knew they wanted, but instead the answers which seemed sensible, and what I had knowledge on. It was quite funny though because they asked me where I would like to live and I said I was going to move back home or go to Queensland. The interview was actually good, and I wasn’t worried at all. I figured if God wanted me to have that job then I would get it.
The next two days I scored some casual work at the preschool I did my final prac at. It was such a confidence boost to be offered work, especially when I had felt so low about being unemployed. While at work one day I received a phone call for another interview for an Out of School Hours job I applied for. I felt confident about this interview too. All I had to do now was wait and see which job I would get, if any at all. Funnily enough God answered our prayers about finding me stability and work and I got both jobs.
One night while I was babysitting for my friends Andrew and Sophie, my mobile rings. It was the Child Care. Initially my heart fell to the floor, but it came straight back up when he told me I was accepted and I had the job. All sorts of emotions ran through me, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. Being a long day care centre meant I only get four weeks of holiday throughout the year, thus meaning less trips up home. I thought realistically about this for a while and realised that God gave me this job for a reason and that reason could be stability. Rather than feel like the lost little person roaming here to there not really knowing where I should be, I now had a full time job in the area I already live in. Maybe such instability was unhealthy for my eating disorder, because every time I went up home I felt the need to get skinnier each time I went up there, just so I could appear different to others and they could see me achieve something. I got a buzz out of the shock factor every time I went home and people noticed how much weight I had lost.

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