To read this blog in order start at July right at the top of the blog archive and progress down in order. This is an account of my battle with anorexia and bulimia

Wednesday 3 August 2011

when a secret is no longer your own

We all know that normal people look at us differently, as if we have a problem. But it never is a problem until it is discovered and talked about. Until then the whole topic is totally avoided.
The holiday itself was interesting. It rained the whole time. The zoo was closed the day we wanted to go, and we were involved in a car crash in Julie’s car. Naturally this shook us up. It’s not every day that one expects to have a car crash while on holiday. The car was not driveable so we had to catch a bus back to our motel and arrange alternative transport to get back to home. With everyone stressed out about all of this and still getting over the car crash I didn’t think anyone would take notice of me going to the toilet after a meal. WRONG! Mim cottoned on straight away and raced in after me. Sprung, I couldn’t believe it. I was so shocked she caught me that I was at a loss for words. All I did was cry and said I didn’t mean to do it. I was serious though. I didn’t mean to do it. No one ever wants to do this kind of thing, but it’s one silly way to feel safe after a meal. Mim and I talked for a little bit about it and she asked if I’d consider getting any sort of help for it. The ironic thing is that I was going to tell them soon about it but I just didn’t know how too. I sometimes had looked through the phone book to see if there were any phone numbers to ring up for help in this situation, but there was nothing I could find. I was so humiliated at myself for being caught. I didn’t know how to look the other’s in their eyes after this too embarrassed to think what they must have thought of me. Going to the toilet became very hard because I knew everyone was wondering why I was going. That’s why it’s better for other’s to not find out about bulimia. Going to the toilet is suddenly no longer a private affair. Anyway, after we got back home mum rang around to find some help for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment